Cats on a Plane

So, I've been doing some research about traveling via plane and immediately discovered that not all airlines are created equal. In fact, their "pet travel" policies vary wildly. (United lumps their pet policy with children in the “Children, Pets, & Assistance” category.)

Some have the gall to impose weight limits! 20 lbs for in-cabin flying seems to be about average, but AirTran is just ridiculous: "The total combined weight of the animal and carrier cannot exceed 15 pounds."

I'm definitely not setting foot on Continental, who blatantly states:
"No oxygen will be administered to a pet in the event of an emergency."
They also discriminate:
"Dogs and cats cannot travel together in the same container."

Most require a leak-proof kennel that is lined with absorbent material, but my favorite phrasing of this is on the Virgin American site (those Brits, so polite): "The kennel must have proper ventilation, a floor designed to absorb and retain solids or liquids, proper fabrication to prevent the escape of the pet(s) and prevent any part of the pet(s) from protruding, and plenty of room for the pet(s) to move freely."

Alaska Airlines wins the prize for Most Specific Arbitrary Rules:
"Pets allowed in the passenger cabin are dogs, cats, rabbits, household birds, and tropical fish. The pet must stay in its container (including head and tail) at all times while onboard...Animals with offensive odors or those that create a noise disturbance must travel in the climate-controlled baggage compartment."
What about people who haven't showered? Can we put THEM in the baggage compartment too?

Delta gets it for Most Liberal Arbitrary Rules:
"Pets permitted in the cabin include dogs, cats, birds, ferrets, rabbits, hamsters and guinea pigs. Monkeys, pot-bellied pigs, reptiles, frogs, mice, rats, sugar gliders, and spiders are not permitted."
Their cargo policy is even more liberal:
"Reptiles, other than snakes, need to be placed in a container constructed of wood, plastic or corrugated material. For flight purposes, animals in this category include: Caiman, Chameleons, Frogs, Geckos, Iguanas, Lizards, Newts, Salamanders, Toads." All you need is a couple of witches and a good boiling cauldron...

Delta gets another prize for Best Euphemism:
"Pug or snub-nosed dogs and cats are not hot-weather animals and therefore do not thrive in warm temperatures."

And finally, I am awarding Jet Blue the Grand Prize in pet policies (read all the way to the end):
"We welcome emotional support animals used for emotional well being in the cabin at no charge. We will accept free of charge one emotional support animal. If a customer has more than one emotional support animal, we will try to accommodate the additional animal. However, you may have to purchase a second seat so that the animals can be accommodated in accordance with FAA safety regulations or wait until a seat on a later flight if the animals cannot be accommodated together at a single seat.

Certain unusual emotional support animals (i.e. snakes, other reptiles, ferrets, rodents and spiders) pose unavoidable safety and/or public health concerns and will not be allowed to fly with us.

JetBlue does not accept pet remains in the cabin of the aircraft or as cargo."